Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just blew my weed a kiss
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
