the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
