you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
