I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
