So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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