She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
