we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
