Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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