it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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