The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You left your phone here
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