Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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