no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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