dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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