come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
