he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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