you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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