there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
