drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
