I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
