She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
