and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
