The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
only if we run a train.
done.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
