He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
