alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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