how hairy? two words: wookie tits
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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