If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
