from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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