and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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