you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
