I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
