so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
