first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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