I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
