you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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