plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
