he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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