He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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