Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
