I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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