i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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