The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
