Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he laminated a picture of his dick.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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