well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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