Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He passed out mid-signature
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
