the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
