no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
