I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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