good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You took a bar mat shot.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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