Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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