You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
