member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
