I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
