I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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