Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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