He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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