I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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